Featured If you're buying antiques, do it under the guise of a female

So for about the 30th time today, no joke, I've been given a lousy lie for the seller to back out of meetup for me to buy on FB marketplace. If you inquire about any antique item that could be viewed as 'feminine', mostly lamps in my case, but also deco statues, other antiques, red flags will instantly go off in seller's mind as to why a man would want them. I've gotten so many '' family emergency will get back to you, had to go out of town, my family member said they want them, oh I already promised it to someone else and got my messages mixed up, stuck in meetings'' etc etc.. only for listing to be deleted or marked as sold and never heard from again. I suppose my point is, if you're a male collector and see a great deal, inquire about the item under a burner account as a female. There are countless people who don't do their homework, and will waste your time once the cogs start turning in their head as to why a man wants an antique. I usually follow my own rule, but sometimes I slip up lol.. Sorry, just felt like getting this off my chest, don't want to come off in any sort of negative way, just something I've noticed. Has this hppened to anyone else?

 

I wouldn't know why a man can't want those items.
But I have also been fobbed off with some poor excuse, and I am a woman. And I have sold jewellery and antique hand fans to men.

 

Almost the same thing happened to me on fb marketplace last year. I inquired about some antique foo dogs metal statues that were stamped on the bottom. Were really cool. Sent a message she had 60.00 dollars for the pair and was going to pay her the 60.00 dollars. Few minutes later I get "sorry I decided to keep them someone told me they keep bad spirits away".

 

You will find nice items and deals on fb marketplace but like you said. Have to be very careful cause I have seen people list stuff that was way off than what it really was just so they can make it more appealing and to sell it.

 

She just needed something to keep her in good spirits.

 

Many women are also wary of meeting male strangers.

 

@George James and @rink28

To what do you attribute this (apparent) sexism? I have never dealt with FB Marketplace, but I have never experienced any kind of "antiques discrimination" in any venue. I have to believe anyone with any practical sense knows that my money spends as easily as any woman's they could name.

Back in the day antiques were considered more of a gay man's interest. Do you perceive some kind of homophobia at work here? While there is still some truth to that, most of my antique-loving male friends are heterosexual; in fact, some men I know (including me) collect antiques with their wives as a couple's activity. A seller would be stupid indeed to lie to either of us.

 

My story wasn't really discrimination I was just saying how she made an excuse and deleted the item. She probably did sell them by now though as it was awhile back. Also I have dealt with a lot of sellers on there that cone up with excuses.

 

I've gotten some stares buying art pottery since I'm younger than many collectors and am male. A few times my competition at estate auctions have assumed that I must be in it to resell.

I also collect coins & antique currency and there are a lot of old time dealers in that hobby that like to size you up and make assumptions about whether you are a "serious" buyer or if your pockets are deep enough especially if you are younger. Walking in a coin shop is always interesting, to see whether you get good treatment or ignored.

 

When I started my bricks and mortar antiques shop, I was probably the youngest in the trade here in the Netherlands. There were occasions when I went out to buy stock and the seller would say that it cost much more than my pocket money. Obviously I would spend my money elsewhere.
There was a collector/seller who had taught me a lot over the years, and she told other traders that I knew what I was talking about. But there was one trader who couldn't believe that someone so young could know anything about antiques. One day he overheard me talking to a collector, and he came up to me and said in amazement "you really do know something about it". At least he admitted it.

Because of these experiences, and having started collecting at a very early age myself, I always took kids who came to my shop very seriously, no matter how young they were.

 

Why do you assume females have better luck in this game?? I'm female and I've certainly been fobbed off with lame excuses many a time.

I recently bought a cameo pin on ebay. The seller stated in the very short description that she'd received it from a family member. I used BIN and didn't even haggle over the price. Within hours, I received a message from the seller that he/she was cancelling the sale because a family member wanted the item. Odd, since the description stated it came from a family member. I mean, one should cover those bases before one lists an item for sale.

 

My only experience of this is when I go into a shop that usually has male customers such as a plumbers or car parts shop. It’s a standing joke with my OH that I don my cloak of invisibility in shops like that. It’s like they can’t actually see me and when they do they visibly startle and look twice to see if I am an apparition. I have this little game to see how long it takes them to see me. Doesn’t offend me I find it quite amusing

 

As someone who appears much younger than I am and doesn’t typically dress nicely when going to sales, auctions, antique stores etc. I often feel like I’m judged as someone who may not be a serious buyer and potentially someone who you have to watch closely. It’s stinks sometimes but I usually don’t care and I get it. Then I often spend more than anyone else there or surprise them with what I do buy and sometimes what I know. Sometimes it’s a lot more than them when it comes to the latter.

edit: I also have lots of people tell me how great it is to see someone “younger” interested and knowledgeable in antiques. I’m certainly not the only one in my area and I’m not as young as they think but I get it a LOT!

 

There was a lady near me on FB selling a very nice, quite valuable silverware chest a few months back. I offered her a decent amount less than her ask. She declined. I then said something about it having to try and that I would buy it for her asking price. She ignored me. I would inquire again every so often and she just ignored me each time. It stayed listed for quite a while. For shits and giggles I had a friend offer to buy it and she replied that it was pending and it did indeed sell that day. Always wondered what was up with that. Maybe she saw my profile and noticed I resell a lot. I have sometimes wondered if this kind of thing would happen to me though. I did just buy a nice sterling purse on FB and wondered on that one but the older female seller didn’t seem to mind.

 

I think the seller has been PM'ed and offered a better price. Are all the failed attempts items that you thought "that's a bargain"?

 

I don’t feel good about it when I do it but I’ve definitely had a seller say something is pending and then offered more than their ask if it was still a good buy. I’d say half take the extra cash and say screw the other guy and half say no they can’t go back on their word. So this could be what’s happening here sometimes possibly.

 

When someone wants to "beat" another guy's agreed sale price on a Hold, that someone will NEVER do biz with me. To try to "steal" something by offering more when a seller has promised to Hold it for an earlier customer is dishonest.

Even if the earlier customer never returns to complete the purchase, I still would not regret turning down a late comers' "stealing" offer. But that's me.

Some of you seasoned fleam bargainers obviously look at this as a fair game and that the seller should "play along". I don't.

There could be a gazillion reasons why something that was available suddenly isn't, to me, you, or anyone else.

To imagine there are s-xist or any other -ist reasons is being paranaoid even if it could be the case in some instances.

If something is not to be had, that's that.

Moving on, it was not meant to be!

In that respect I trust The Fates here. When something was "not meant to be" it was often for a very good reason why I shouldn't have it, sometimes discovered later.

Conversely, had I forced the outcome to my advantage, perhaps at the expense of someone else, I lived to regret it.

The Fates [or call them what you will; inner voices perhaps] warn us, protect us from mistakes if we let them. We haven't lost or missed anything and never need to place blame on sellers or anyone else.

Some things we're meant to own have our "name" on them. Better is always coming.

 

I think this happens a lot. The seller is opening themselves up to breach of contract though if they do this although it is unlikely it would ever escalate to legal proceedings if there isn't $$$$ involved.

Occasionally I'll even go to an auction or estate sale and some of the better items advertised to be present are not there. When I ask a staff member or the auctioneer usually says something along the lines that the family wanted to keep the item but occasionally they have said that the family got a big offer from someone that tracked them down off the web. Usually the auction or estate sale company is often quite pissed since they didn't get a cut despite being under contract and if too much of the good stuff is gone, customers will be upset, leave, and all the remaining lower end stuff won't sell.

 

That happened to me at an estate sale once. I saw a BIG D&E easter egg necklace in the previews and got there first in line for the jewelry. No necklace. Got plenty of other stuff(and made a pile on it too) but... no necklace. The estate company runner, who I respect, said she had no idea where it went. I suspect someone from the family went in and glommed it, since I doubt you average thief would have gone after a costume necklace and left a heavy gold ring behind. (I certainly didn't! It was $5!)

I've had a few flaky FB conversations here and there. It happens. And since I'm female I'm "some scary man". If anyone asks why a guy is after "girl stuff", tell them you're buying it for a friend. (who won't be your friend until she buys it off of you, but you don't have to tell them that.)